Hypnotherapist: “I asked the boy if he’d ever heard voices. He replied that he’d heard only one, but that it spoke to him quite frequently. I asked the boy what the voice wanted. He replied ‘He says he can save me. He wants me to go with him’.”

The Boy: “I was born at 10:47pm on a Monday evening. It was raining that night…” The Voice: "I will remove your old heart of flesh For you see my boy, it can't serve you anymore And I’ll replace it with an iron core With locks and walls to shelter you from what was there before." "Though in time this core may rust Your old heart my boy, would’ve long turned to dust Now you'll endure all that you can and more And nothing that remains resembles what was there before. I’ll be waiting…"

The boy quickly looks away, were the others staring again? He tries to shut out the sound, was their laughter pointed at him? Was he simply being ignored, do they even know that he's there? He shifts his eyes to the ground, wanting only to disappear… While the other children play, the boy sits alone on the swings Each day the other Voice visits him, they speak of simple things The Voice inches closer, "Will you come with me today?" "I can make the hurting stop, but you must do as I say." The Voice promises, "in time all your sadness will fade." "And the yearning to belong in their world will simply melt away." "You'll feel no pain at all, and each day you will thank me." "For you will be reborn, and I can set you free." And the Voice whispers: "If you feel lonely," "I am the only friend you'll need," "And if you are scared," "You can hide your fear with me." "Embrace the absence in your soul." "Emptiness will be my gift to you." "Lock yourself away from it all." "You're dead to them, they're dead to you." Just a shy little boy who thought no one would understand Had a dangerous solution placed into his hands The loneliness hurts so bad, but is it worth the price to pay? In a moment of desperation, he trades his life away A frenzied rush of panic as he feels the change begin Cold sorrow rusts his soul, til nothing's left of it Suddenly longing to again be that shy little boy But he is transformed, and that child's been destroyed And the Voice whispers: "You won’t feel lonely," "I am the only friend you'll need," "And you won’t be scared," "Your fear is tucked away in me." "Embrace the iron in your chest." "This transplant is my gift to you." "Lock yourself behind a mask." "And abandon the boy you knew." Those near me scarcely noticed the shift As a stranger emerged from his cocoon The mask that I wear tells a lie, that all is well While inside I collapse, leaving only a child's shell The Voice: "Cast them aside and show them they're all to blame. Their indifference and cruelty are what forced you to change. Love is a pitiful vice, sought by the desperate and weak. And one day when you're ready, our revenge we will seek." Rage screams through my body All compassion and joy scorched black and bitter Feelings cauterize behind clouds of ash Innocence chokes beneath nuclear winter The Voice: "They will neglect you, And they will disrespect you, They will shame you. And they will blame you. They will berate you, And they will hate you, They will reject you. And they will forget you." Somewhere in the dark, a banished memory weeps on Its knees Begging "please don’t go, please don't leave me." Somewhere in the dark, a fading memory weeps and dies It's last remnants trickle from my black empty eyes The Boy: “It is finished…”

Our Father, who art in heaven Hallowed be Thy name Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done On earth as it is in heaven Give us this day, our daily bread And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors Lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil For Thine is the kingdom…and the renunciation And the power…and the withdrawn hand And the glory…and the silence Forever Amen I've feigned ten thousand prayers Though we've never really spoken But now I've nowhere left to turn With the last of my faith long broken I know You can grant this thing I ask I see it in their eyes three times a week A drug administered for a fee The intoxication of apocryphal peace I’m begging You, show me the peace that my mother knows Give me the joy that carries her through each hopeless day Grant unto me the quietude that sings her to sleep each night And the faith that assures her You are the only way I built a world where I am king One where I could rule alone A world with no way out A broken fool upon his throne Now I beg on hands and knees I can't escape this on my own Undo what I have done Please just let me go home I offer You my life and soul, to do with as You please I'll sing Your hymns and scream in tongues, if that is what You need I'll praise Your name, until at last my worthiness I've shown I do not need a miracle, just show me I'm not alone I have made a great mistake, built my life on the sand of lies Hated those who loved me, reviled them with spite Fallen prey to my fear, built a self-absorbed solution Now I weep before You, crippled by disillusion Our Father, whose heart is deadened Shadowed be Thy game Thy kingdom's won, my will's succumbed Such hurt, have Your ears been deafened? Take my dismay, my pain and dread Forgive my regrets As I live in Your fetters Leave me not in isolation But deliver me from myself For mine is this kingdom That devours And destroys Forever Amen Still no answer, still no glimpse of peace Still no sign that You're even listening Deep in my core, we both know I believe So how can You just watch this happen to me? Why are others blessed, yet I am not? Am I too far gone for even You to save? Have I not suffered enough to please You? What more can You ask me to go through? The Voice taunts, "He is real, and he has heard your prayers." "But like Job, you're a worthless toy, and he doesn't care." "He of boundless compassion has cast you from his sight." "Out here beyond his reach, there is only you and I." I don't need to be told, I know You're real No myth warrants the hate that I feel The Voice screams, "What use is god? I've shown you the way!" But "The way of all flesh", seems all that remains I walk through the valley of the shadow of death Because I have nowhere else to go And though I see the edge before me This is the only path I've ever known The Boy: “Nothing left now but to commit, so I march toward the brink. Couldn’t stop now if I wanted to…”

I am a crumbling fortress of cowardice Desperately patching the cracks in a wall of lies The armies of the world make ready beyond my gates I furiously guard the contents of an empty chest As a fool protects his shadow I wage cold war with a desolate perspective That even you will one day betray me That day will not find me unprepared I will defend my cage to the very last For it's all I have left Silently I wait for the day to arrive A day foretold when I was only a boy When your true faces would be revealed Exposing a sea of vipers and wolves But that day never came This kingdom of shame quakes around me Fragments slip through my trembling hands A life wasted protecting a useless iron core Now only a battery keeping a broken toy alive If only I could rip it out Reborn to a world where I don't exist A world I have rejected to protect a myth The people who loved me, have they given up? They gaze right past me, move right through me Was I even here? Has this all been a dream? This self-induced seclusion Years lost in a boy's delusion Did this happen to me? Am I even real? Do you remember my face? Or has the mask taken its place? Was I even here? I am a phantom among the ruins of my failure I leave no footprints in the falling ash I see no reflection in the eyes of those I've left Their lives glide forward safely out of reach I can’t live like this anymore Trying to rip out this iron core I scream to the Voice "Where are you now?" "Where is the strength I was promised?" I open myself, hoping to spill the pain But the sickness runs deep, all I lose is blood I have to hurt you just this once more I’m going to bleed out this iron core But it was not yet my time to go God will not grant me peace Nor allow me to seize it myself And it all begins to make sense I have amassed a great debt It must be paid before I can go I have inflicted immeasurable pain And that pain must first be struck upon me Now it's all so clear This cannot be a dream This self-sustained illusion Years lost in a boy's confusion This happened to me And it's all too real Do you remember my face? Or have those memories been erased? Am I even here? The Boy: “Ok I’m ready. Do your worst….”

Late April… I remember the morning we met And how foolish I must have seemed My face blushed when you smiled at me And I stuttered as I tried to speak Your hands warmed my frozen blood And your voice melted my glacial rage Your smile drew me from the dark And your kindness brought me from my cage You unlocked each iron door As if you'd always held the key Before fear compelled me to run You were already holding me Early June… I'll remove this iron core I don't need it anymore I want my heart of flesh restored So she can help me wash away the nightmares of before And though I fear that she may ask If I can live without a mask I'd give anything she asks me for I feel the peace with her I've spent my whole life longing for July 1st… I never blamed you, but I'll never forget The way I felt on the morning you left A promise as you boarded your flight One last kiss, one last goodbye We swore we'd be together again Then you turned and walked away But three tortured months later Your final letter came I think I must've always known That we would someday end this way Maybe that's why I didn't try To ever convince you to stay Now destroy this heart of flesh I won't need it anymore Had I known what all I had in store I would have lived my life with just this goddamn iron core Though with time this core's born rust At least in iron I can trust And I don't love you anymore Forget you ever met me and please think of me no more I never blamed you, but I'll never forget The way I felt a year after you left To this day, when I close my eyes I can still see you crying And I can hear the Voice in my ear Saying "I told you so." "Now do what must be done" "And just let her go." "Time and again you were warned" "Of the price that comes with love" "And in the end you'll find" "You'll just never be enough" Now my eyes have spent their tears And my smile has disappeared And I hide this with the masks I've worn And life goes on without her as if she was never born But every night I lie awake This was so much more than I could take And I have the will to try no more I've lost everyone and everything worth living for The Boy: “I am coming undone. Was she really all that was holding me together? It is NOT better to have loved and lost….”

If my life were to end right now I would hardly call it a loss Years wasted by a naïve fraud Cowering inside a dark iron box Imprisoned in the mind of a terrified child A place I was told I'd never be alone This castle to repel all of life's pain Only trapped me inside with my own How do I begin to make amends For deceiving everyone I've ever met? There's no solace to be found in forgiveness For I hate myself too much to forget So I'll seek my atonement through servitude And I have a mask to suit your every need My life is a gift I humbly lay at your feet And I can be anything you'd ever need me to be If the punishment needs to fit the crime Then it's your turn to hurt me this time Make me your scapegoat, or your whipping boy See in my face all those you'd destroy I can take the abuse, don't hold back on me Just let go of your rage and your grief If penance can be bought by drowning for you For the rest of my life, that's what I will do Carve your pain into me Stab your fury into my chest Unshackle your sadness And lash your hurt to me Give unto me That which you cannot bear Commit your suffering into my hands And I will shield you until you can stand A Good Samaritan Sent to mend your broken soul Smile and at last you can be free The darkness that plagued you is now locked inside me Can my guilt be washed clean by your tears? Can this self abuse pay for the last 20 years? Will I know when my time's finally been served? Have I tortured myself more than I deserved? Year after year, I limped through life in this way Growing weaker and weaker with each passing day Portraying a pillar of inspirational courage But I may be dying so others can flourish For a moment I reflect on the smiles I've seen The lives that I’ve touched and the suffering I've eased How I wish they could buy me one second of joy And how I wish I could've warned that shy little boy…. The Boy: “A moment of levity and an inward smile, seems my debt has finally been paid. But the doctor is understandably solemn as he gives me the news. If only he knew….”

If God is real, we'll meet today Wonder how I'll try to explain How my life could go so far astray How I could just throw my heart away Now there's nothing left to hope for Nothing left to work toward No one left to care for No one to be there for No sadness to console me No loneliness to hold me No more pain to fuel me No more hate to soothe me Is the riddle solved today? Now that it's too late to change? Too scared to go, too weak to stay Too blind to see it'd end this way Now there's no cage to protect me No love to infect me No Voice to deceive me No heaven to receive me Nothing left to fight for Nothing left to try for No one left to live for No one left to die for If God is real, we'll meet today Wonder if He'll even know my name Wonder if He'll recognize my face Wonder how He could just throw me away One last apology To everyone I leave Though my life ends in disgrace In this cold and callous place In those times you feel alone Think of me and not the stone Only my body lies beneath Keep one memory of me I am slipping away I am drifting away I am leaving you today I am giving up today Goodbye The Boy: “I died at 5:13am on a Thursday morning.”

The Boy: “And so it is finally done….” The Minister: “On behalf of the family, I’d like to thank you all for joining us this morning to mourn the passing of our brother and friend. In accordance with his wishes, there will be no eulogies given today. He has also requested that there be no prayers and no scriptures read. He asked only that I share this poem with you all…. If it’s not too much to ask, please no tears today Far too many have been shed for me Perhaps you could manage a smile instead? That’s all I ever wanted to see If it’s not too much to ask, please no grief today Far too much has been spent on me I hope my spirit is there with you today It’s the only place I ever wanted to be” I died a man trapped in a world where a boy had hoped to escape Behind a mask my youth was lost, too scared to show my face I died a desperate empty shell, begging for one moment's peace Behind a mask I screamed to God who turned His back on me I died a fading memory, who wouldn't release the lie Behind a mask I was a ghost that life simply left behind I died a broken-hearted waste, never found another such as she Behind a mask I learned that love was never really meant for me And it's been so long since all hope abandoned me And it's been so long since the guilt would let me sleep And it's been so long since I had the strength to try And it's been so long since I wasn't praying to die I died a blind misguided fool, wounded far worse than I would show Behind a mask I collected pain because it served to numb my own I died a lonely weak old man with no one there to see me pass I died as I had lived, clutching a cracked and withered mask With each false visage I wore and the cast of roles I played A piece of who I really am was left to die onstage My rusted hollow iron core had given up and set me free Leaving behind only machines and tubes to coldly mourn me And it's been so long since self-worth wasn't weighed in scars And it's been so long since life didn't mean playing a part And it's been so long since I forced myself into the dark And it's been so long since I tore out my own heart All the locks and iron doors couldn't save me in the end I was a failure as a brother, as a son and as a friend I thought contentment could be found in a life of isolation Where the world could not find me, inside my sick creation I chose to waste the time I had fighting an imaginary enemy A legion of foes in masks themselves, under which they looked like me So many wounds from my own hands, such loneliness I self-consigned This sadness forged in my own fires, a cage built from my own design And it seems unreal that I had to cut myself to feel And it seems unfair that I lost everyone who cared And it seems a shame because I chose to live this way And it seems so wrong because I knew this all along Lost decades of emptiness in a failed utopia hoarding pain As I am this world's architect, in my hands must rest the blame Endless wells of regret arose as I fell to my knees and cried Why did I have to die to learn what it means to be alive?

Somewhere in the dark, a long lost memory cries my name Throws his arms around me as the tears pour down his face Somewhere in the dark, the memory speaks in my own voice "Do you remember me? You've been gone since you were a boy!" Somewhere in the dark, a long lost memory takes my hand Smiles and wipes away his tears, as he helps me to stand As the darkness melts away, I feel almost complete again Gazing into the reflection of the soul I'd long abandoned As the light grows more intense, I finally find myself at peace And all the hateful lonely misery has been released As the light engulfs me, the memory says, "Death's not the end." "This time we'll stay together, we can go back and try again…."

The Boy: “I was born at 2:02am on a clear Sunday morning…”